You’re managing your team, trying to navigate yet another curveball. One team member is dealing with a family emergency, so you turn to another and ask if they can temporarily cover a task or two. And then it happens.

“That’s not my job.”

Instantly, your emotions spike—frustration, disappointment, even anger. Maybe you snap back: “Excuse me, I’m your boss. I need you to do it.”
Or maybe, if you’re more conflict-averse, you backpedal: “Oh okay, no worries. I’ll figure something else out.”

Both reactions? Understandable.
But neither is helpful.

There’s a Better Way to Respond

When your employee says, “That’s not my job,” it’s tempting to either demand compliance or completely retreat. But there’s a third option—a better conversation rooted in curiosity, clarity, and dialogue.

Let’s be real: when you get pushback like this, it's easy to assume the worst. You might question their attitude, their work ethic, or even their respect for you. But the truth is, those reactions (yours and theirs) are often driven by unseen factors—burnout, misalignment, unclear expectations, or fear.

I’ve been there. I’ve had those moments of thinking, “I’d love this job if it weren’t for the people.” And I’ve had to learn (sometimes the hard way) that those people—my team—are not obstacles. They’re opportunities.

Warning Lights and Smoke Alarms

Here’s how I’ve come to think about these moments: like warning lights on a dashboard.

One time, I ran over a sharp piece of metal without even knowing it. My Chrysler Pacifica (best car ever, by the way) alerted me before I even realized anything was wrong. A tire pressure warning flashed on the dash. It wasn’t the problem—it was the signal.

Same with the smoke alarm during pizza night at our house. It always goes off, even when nothing is wrong. But if there were a fire, turning off the alarm wouldn’t fix it.

When someone says, “That’s not my job,” they’re setting off an alarm. It’s not the issue—it’s the signal.

What If You Saw Pushback as a Signal?

If we can learn to treat resistance as a signal instead of a personal offense, we unlock the power of leadership. We can let go of urgency and ego—the twin thorns in any leader’s side—and focus on solving the real problem.

This doesn’t mean letting go of standards or requests. It means moving from reactivity to relationship, from control to connection.

And to help you do that, I’ve created a free download of 10 Go-To Phrases that will help you lead better conversations at work. You can grab it at heykaralist.com/cheatsheet.

But let’s focus in on just one tough phrase today:
"That’s not my job."
Here’s how to respond with curiosity, clarity, and dialogue.

1. Curiosity Over Control

Default Reaction (Control):

“Actually, it is your job now. Stop questioning and just handle it.”

Understandable? Yes.
Helpful? No.

Better Conversation (Curiosity):

“That’s a fair question. Can you tell me a bit about what makes it feel outside your role?”

Now you're inviting insight—not resistance. You might learn they’re overwhelmed or unclear on expectations. That’s valuable data you’d miss with a knee-jerk reaction.

2. Clarity Over Confrontation

Default Reaction (Confrontation):

“Why are we even having this conversation? Everyone else is stepping up.”

Now it’s about power—not partnership.

Better Conversation (Clarity):

“You’re right—onboarding has usually lived with admin. But since you’re mentoring the intern, it makes sense to start with you. I should have communicated that shift better.”

You’re not backing down, but you’re also not bulldozing. You’re explaining and owning your role in the miscommunication.

3. Dialogue Over Directives

Default Reaction (Directive):

“Just figure it out. I need this done.”

This isolates them and makes the task feel forced.

Better Conversation (Dialogue):

“Let’s talk through what support you’d need to feel equipped to do this well. Would a short checklist help? Or a 15-minute walkthrough with admin?”

You’re building buy-in through partnership, not pressure.

But What If the Request Is Outside Their Role?

Good question.

Let’s be clear: this conversation assumes the ask you’re making is reasonable, even if it's temporary or slightly outside their core responsibilities.

Years ago, a boss asked me to run errands simply because my desk was closer to her office. “You’re younger and quicker,” she said. Sure, I complied—but it didn’t feel respectful or appropriate. Those kinds of requests erode trust and motivation.

If you’re going to ask something outside the norm, explain why and be transparent about the “why now.”

One Phrase to Take With You

There are lots of helpful scripts I share in my free Better Conversations Cheat Sheet, but if I had to give you one powerful phrase that hits curiosity, clarity, and dialogue, it’s this:

“I’m glad you’re speaking up about this. Tell me more about what’s going on here.”

Then listen.
Follow up with “Tell me more.”
Collaborate from there.

You’ve Got This

Friend, I know this is hard work. But it’s the right work.

Most leaders either avoid or bulldoze tough conversations. You’re doing something better—caring deeply while leading clearly. And that kind of leadership? It transforms people, teams, and cultures.

So take heart. If you’re in the thick of this—you're on the right path.
And I’m cheering you on every step of the way.

🎯 Download your free cheat sheet with 10 go-to phrases for hard conversations:
👉 heykaralist.com/cheatsheet