Let’s be honest—giving feedback can be stressful.

For years, I avoided it or sugarcoated it. I thought I needed to be perfect, say it all just right, and somehow make it comfortable for everyone (including myself). But what I’ve learned? Mindset beats method every time.

You can memorize all the feedback formulas in the world, but if your mindset is off—your conversations won’t land. And they definitely won’t lead to growth.

So today, I want to share the 5 surprising truths that changed how I give feedback—and made it feel way more natural, helpful, and (dare I say) even enjoyable.

Truth #1: The Goal of Feedback Is Their Success

I used to think feedback was about fixing a problem or changing a behavior—basically, making the issue go away. But that’s not the real goal.

The goal of feedback is removing whatever is keeping your team member from succeeding.

It’s not about your comfort or control. It’s about helping them grow.

When I finally got this, everything shifted. I could walk into a tough conversation and say, “From where I sit, I see something getting in the way of your success—can we talk about it?”

I once worked with someone who got really emotionally charged in meetings. It slowed down progress and strained relationships. But underneath her reactions was fear—fear that if she didn’t speak up, things would fall apart. The more we talked, the more she realized how that pressure was holding her back.

Today, she’s in a different organization and thriving. And she says the feedback she got on our team was the reason why.

Feedback can be a gift—but only if we frame it with their success in mind.

Truth #2: Feedback Is Part of an Ongoing Conversation

If you treat feedback like a one-and-done moment, it becomes a high-stakes performance. You either over-prepare or underdeliver—and neither helps.

Feedback should be continuous. It’s not about “fixing it all” in one meeting. It’s about making space to check in, reflect, adjust, and try again.

Let me tell you what helped this click for me: sourdough.

Yep, I inherited a sourdough starter recently. It lives in my fridge like a fourth child. I don’t totally know what I’m doing yet, but I’m learning. And thankfully, sourdough isn’t one-and-done. You don’t toss it when you mess up a loaf—you feed it, try again, and keep going.

Feedback is just like that. It's about tending to growth over time, not delivering the perfect loaf the first time.

Truth #3: Feedback Should Be a Two-Way Conversation

If you’re doing all the talking, you’re not doing feedback right.

Here’s the thing: You walk into that conversation with your own perspective. But what if your assumptions are wrong?

Let’s say your employee messed up the donor names on an event webpage. You walk in ready to coach them on attention to detail… only to find out they delegated it to someone else.

Oops.

That’s why we have to ask—not assume. Invite their perspective. Clarify the issue together. You’ll get better outcomes and protect the relationship.

Truth #4: You Might Be Wrong

I know, that one stings. But going into feedback conversations with the mindset, “I might be wrong” is one of the most powerful things you can do.

It communicates humility, curiosity, and a commitment to learning. You don’t have to literally say, “I might be wrong,” but you can say, “This is what I saw—what’s your perspective?”

That simple shift removes the “me vs. you” dynamic and invites partnership. It builds trust. And it works not just at work—but in life.

Imagine if more marriages, friend groups, and workplaces led with that mindset. What would change?

Truth #5: Disagreement Is a Good Thing

Yes, even if your employee doesn’t agree with your feedback.

That’s not a dead end—it’s an opportunity.

When someone pushes back, say: “Help me understand how you see it differently.” Use it to clarify the issue together. You can’t move forward without that.

If your goal is alignment and progress, disagreement is part of the process. Celebrate it. Don’t shut it down.

Because disagreement, when handled with care, builds clarity, respect, and real trust.

Let’s Recap

Here are the 5 mindset shifts that changed everything for me:

1. The goal of feedback is their success

2. Feedback is part of an ongoing conversation

3. Feedback should be a two-way dialogue

4. You might be wrong

5. Disagreement is a good thing

Want to Get Better at Feedback?

If you’re thinking, “Okay Kara, I get the mindset… but how do I actually have these conversations?” — I’ve got you.

This summer, I’m hosting a 4-week workshop called No More Hard Conversations. It’s a practical, supportive feedback reset for leaders who want to get confident in the how of real, honest conversations.

👉 Join the waitlist at heykaralist.com/cohort

It’s low-lift, high-impact—and designed to fit your summer life.